Saturday, August 16, 2014

God-Sized Dream: A Runaway Heart

I have a runaway heart.

It's been beating inside my chest for as long as I can recall.

So I know.

I know when I hear the words on the phone that our girl suddenly and unexpectedly "no longer wishes to be adopted"

that she's running away right now, too.

Maybe it's gotten too real. Eight weeks of incredible bonding and connecting only to be returned right back to the comfortable safety of what she's long known may be more than what she can breathe in and handle right now.

Decisions about the rest of her life too much to bear.

The here and the now of the comfortable albeit temporary is too good to turn and walk away from into a new life that seems so promising ... yet so unknown.

and so she runs.

She runs from us.

She runs from the thoughts.

She runs from the memories.

And she runs from what could be.

Because when you've been running from one thing or another your whole darn life, you learn to run real well.

My own adoption story into His forever family mirrors her into our forever family too well.

I have been wooed by Love; I have known Love,

and I have forgotten.

I have walked away from Love, thinking I knew what was best for my ever-running heart only to have realized I've run from what I most desired.

I have writhed in fear at the change that comes with being adopted ... only to realize later that Love never needed me to change before I received.

I have looked Love in the face and tried to match it against arms holding me, never understanding that the life I was leaving behind could never match being in the secure arms of a Forever Family.

I have been lonely and restless and torn, failing to realize that my acceptance of daughterhood would buy me more security than I could muster and make for myself.

I have been pursued by Relentless Love and asked that Love to prove itself over and over again.

I have tested it and tried to break it and run away from it ... only to find it a Bridge stronger than any of my effort to sway it.

I have had my very own adoption journey, and I know what it means to be a runaway heart in a weary land.

I know what it is to be a daughter, adopted


so I will run

after her

and toward Him

because right now

that's the same direction.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Share the Love: Surprised by Hotter!

I've been on a journey toward self love this entire year as I seek to be brave and courageous and love myself well.

Part of that journey has included allowing myself to purchase a few clothing items that fit instead of wearing clothes that didn't or clothing that was stained and ripped or worn through. In doing that, I've stepped outside of my normal style picks and opted for some clothing that is flattering and fun and even fashionable. 

Melissa and Brook, the founders of the Mom Style Files thought it would be fun to further my fashion by dressing me after I received a surprise pair of shoes from our favorite shoe company Hotter Comfort Concept Shoes.

When the Hotter box arrived at my doorstep, I was excited to see what was inside because the surprises that arrived on Melissa and Brook's doorsteps were adorable. 

I secretly hoped Hotter would surprise me with the same pair as Melissa. Because seriously how cute are the jewel ballet flats in coral?

Melissa / Jewel Shoe / Hotter Surprise

Brook's were super cute and retroish, too. 

Brook / Mabel Hotter Shoes / Hotter Surprise

Brook / Mabel Hotter Shoes / Hotter Surprise by brook-easton featuring cropped jeans

When mine arrived, I was a little ... unsure of how I was going to pull off such stylish and trendy shoes as the Laura shoes. But Brook had me covered. 

Hyacynth / Laura Hotter Shoes / Hotter Surprise

And I even found that I could make this ultra trendy shoe my own when Melissa and I spent an hour sitting in front of YouTube trying to figure out how to tie the laces. 

We may or may not have summoned her 9 year old to help us ... but we ended up with the beautiful Laura shoes ... only with a twist {or two}! 
Want your own pair of Laura shoes? Right now they are on SUPER sale! Go score a pair while they are still available!