Last week, I did not try to deposit a check at the ATM with an expired debit card, which then so did not force me to go to the drive-up window and try to deposit it only to be informed by the teller that I needed to fill out a deposit slip instead of placing said check inside a deposit envelope. And I most certainly did not fill out the deposit slip, send it to the teller with my ID and promptly rip up the deposit envelope that flaunted my bank account number only to be informed by the teller a few minutes later that she needed the actual check to continue with the deposit. I absolutely did not realize in horror that I had left the check inside the envelope before tearing the envelope to shreds. And I didn't send torn check pieces to the teller and thank her 100 times for taping it back together and depositing it. Nope, not me!
And I most certainly have not been walking around since the non-existent check debacle with the expired ATM card still in my wallet. No way; because if I would have been the fool who went through the non-existent check debacle, I most definitely would have learned my lesson and replaced the expired card immediately.
While visiting the zoo for the second time in one week this past Thursday, I did not watch flock of geese approach our picnic site, space out and say nothing to my geese-o-phobic sister until the flock of geese were within three feet of my unsuspecting sister. And at that time, I did not say "Oh, my, look at the geese," and then proceed to laugh hysterically when she jumped up from her picnic spot screaming and failing her arms, thus sending the poor unsuspecting geese into a mad run toward the river. Not me! And I did not laugh even harder when the toddler, upon watching the festivities, began laughing so hard he snorted some of his juice through his nose. Nope, that certainly wasn't me.
And I never ever in a thousand years would have told my dear husband that I wasn't signing any of the papers he needed me to sign until he gave me a back rub ... and then fallen asleep during said back rub having never signed the papers ... which he was nicely compiling for me so I didn't have to send them in. Never!
What didn't you do last week? Play along and help me feel like less of a jerk.