Last week upon getting ready to enter the shower, I did not scream bloody murder when I came face to face with a giant spider on the shower curtain prompting my toddler to become so frightened that he panicked, ran to daddy and said "mommy say AGHHHH!" I did not spend 15 minutes trying to soothe my hysterical toddler and explain that sometimes mommy overreacts to seeing bugs when said bugs are in places she does not expect them to be.
And now the toddler does not yelp "Bug! Bug! Mommy say AGHHH!" every time he sees even a piece of lint on the floor. Nope, that so hasn't been happening about five times every day for about a week. And I haven't spent the past week trying to express an unnatural love for all bugs by doing things like letting those creepy crawly suckers climb around on my hands or petting them so the toddler could see that most are, indeed, harmless.
Speaking of overreacting, I did not in a blind fit of rage threaten to physically harm my dear husband after he came home from getting a hair cut and shook all of his loose hairs into my freshly cleaned bathroom sink merely three short hours after it had been degrossified. I did get so heated about it that he immediately retreated back into the bathroom, shut the door, cleaned the sink and emerged expressing the depths of his sorrow for clearly upsetting me so much by scattering his little hairs all over. Nope, that woman soo was not me!
And you will not find me eating an entire truckload of carmel corn at some point today because my teeth are finally free from the chains they call braces. No way. Carmel corn is not healthy. I have not been craving it. And I so totally would not stuff my face full of sugary goodness at the first chance I got just because I haven't been able to eat it for 14 months! We all know I am very responsible, so I will clearly not be dragging the toddler out in the pouring rain today to find some carmel corn at the local coffee shop. And I will not be sharing because I realize how important good nutrition is for him as well.