While at the lake our first hot and smoldering night, I did not wake up at 1:30 a.m. because the window air conditioning unit in my room was rattling louder than 10 old rusty Chevy getting ready for a drag race. And in an attempt to drown out the noise after being awake for a half of an hour, I did not try turning the fan higher, turning the AC down and folding a pillow around my ears, thus making my head into a taco. And because my careful plotting to drown out the clanking didn't quite work, I so did not go wake up my husband (who was not suckered into sleeping with the toddler in a twin sized bed in the other room) and ask him to pleasepleaseplease ask his mom, who wears earplugs, to switch beds with his irritated, uncomfortable and highly bothered wife at 2 a.m. No way! Not me!
The very next day, while it was sweltering outside, I did not think of every possible reason to stay inside in the AC because not even an entire lake could keep my pregnant butt cool on a 90-degree, humid, sunny day.
And in trying to stay cool while all of my cohabitants were outside enjoying fun in the sun, I did not pick up a book to numb the boredom and accidentally get so wrapped up in it that I had a hard time putting it down to go outside and enjoy the water and, you know, actual human company, the following much more temperate and beautiful days. And that book wasn't called The Other Boleyn Girl. And I'm not mentioning it in hopes that you, too, will get suckered into reading it during your summer vacation. Nope!
When I finally did venture outside after the heat subsided, I certainly did not dominate the one-person raft by throwing my arms over it and paddling around the lake with the rest of my body submerged in the water because, ironically enough, being in the water made me feel like less of a whale.
And in my most shinning moment, I most definitely did not render myself unable to walk and have to make an emergency call to my chiropractor at home begging her to recommend someone reputable in the middle of nowhere Michigan because I stood up from sitting on the bench at the dining room table wrong. And when my chiropractor's receptionist called and said she made me an appointment at the office of someone with whom my chiropractor went to school, I did not almost choke on the iced coffee I so was not drinking because she really did know someone close enough to fix me. And after I was fixed, my husband did not have to talk me out of sending her a dozen red roses, a singing bear and chocolates to express my love and gratitude for being able to walk again because that would have been a little over the top.
And upon exiting the chiropractor's office in the middle of nowhere Michigan, my toddler was not clearly outraged at the fact that I did also schedule him an appointment to get "tickled and clickclickclicked."
I think that's enough for one four-day vacation, don't you?
But wait, since I'm at home now, I think I can throw this in ... I am not going to shamelessly ask you, my dear readers, to print out this voucher and take it to Jewel if you're going between now and Wednesday to help out a friend who is trying to raise money through Jewel's Shop and Share program to buy her daughter a service dog. I would neverevereverever use my blog as such a platform ... riiiiiight.
Help her out if you can.