Friday, October 2, 2009

Letters of Intent: Ode to the nipple shield

Letters of Intent

Julie at Foursons hosts Letters of Intent, a blog posting event, that encourages you to write an open letter to anyone or anything about anything or anyone, every Friday. Visit her to link up and spill your guts on paper ... errr your computer.

Dear nipple shield,

I don't know how to say this, but I don't really think this relationship of ours is working out. I know you were a great help a few weeks ago when nursing the baby felt more like nursing a shark, but I think we should take some time to rethink where this relationship is heading. I just don't think I can com mitt to something long term with you at this point in my life.
I know what you're thinking; you're going to say the only reason I'm having second thoughts about our relationship is because of the whole thrush incident. You're right that I'm not totally thrilled about having had to deal with purple boobs and a baby who looked like he was starting to dress in drag with his bright violet lips. It really hasn't been fun explaining to people that my newborn son was, indeed, not wearing bright purple lipstick.
I know the thrush incident wasn't totally your fault; I know I should have taken more time to prevent such issues in our relationship, but I must admit you have not been my first priority. I know this is hard for you to hear.
But it's not you; it's me. I'm far too lazy to clean you the way you need to be cleaned after every feeding; I keep losing you under couches, beds and chairs; you've ended up as a toy in the toddler's tiny play town far too many times. I just don't think you deserve to be used so badly.
But don't give up. There will be other moms who need you and who will nurture you and love you for the beautiful silicon breastfeeding helper you are. But I think our days together are numbered. Plus, why stay in a relationship where you're constantly being abused and neglected? I hope you can find a new breast friend.

With equal parts of love and disdain,
Your neglectful breastfeeding mother

Dear son,

I am sorry I posted the picture of you in drag -- I mean with purple lips from necessary medical treatment-- on my blog. I hope none of your future buddies ever find it and give you a hard time by singing Rocky Horror Picture Show songs to you. I'm also sorry to have inadvertantly linked you to a part of my anatomy that'd you'd rather not be associated with.


P.S. -- Remember what we've taught you about grace and mercy when your high-school self finds this post.


  1. I love these letters! So long breast thingy- whatever you are! You are a bad, bad thing that requires way to much maintaince. The last thing a mommy of a newborn needs is another high maintaince object!

    And the PS to your son in HS- LOVE IT! You are thinking ahead my friend. Good job!

    Thanks for linkin' up! You wrote some great letters!

  2. Too funny! I'm with Julie - the last thing you need is another high-maintenance object!

    And golly, he's beautiful, purple lips and all! :)

  3. Now that's the picture I was hoping for. Great color :)

    I never used a nipple shield and thank GOD apparently never needed one. Here's hoping you're both fine without each other.

  4. Always nice to see you've kept a good sense of humor about it :) I used a shield with vince for 4 months and didn't have a problem. but I was VERY dilegent about cleaning which ever one I used (I had about 10 of them stashed EVERYWHERE in the house, bags, etc...) with warm soapy water when I was done. They are a pain, but for me were a lifesafe! Best of luck, I'm thinking of you!


  5. Your P.S. to your son cracks me up Sorry that the nipple shield did not work out. Wishing you a soon to be "purple free" future!


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