Julie at Foursons hosts Letters of Intent, a blog posting event, that encourages you to write an open letter to anyone or anything about anything or anyone, every Friday. Visit her to link up and spill your guts on paper ... errr your computer.
Dear nipple shield,
I don't know how to say this, but I don't really think this relationship of ours is working out. I know you were a great help a few weeks ago when nursing the baby felt more like nursing a shark, but I think we should take some time to rethink where this relationship is heading. I just don't think I can com mitt to something long term with you at this point in my life.
I know what you're thinking; you're going to say the only reason I'm having second thoughts about our relationship is because of the whole thrush incident. You're right that I'm not totally thrilled about having had to deal with purple boobs and a baby who looked like he was starting to dress in drag with his bright violet lips. It really hasn't been fun explaining to people that my newborn son was, indeed, not wearing bright purple lipstick.
I know the thrush incident wasn't totally your fault; I know I should have taken more time to prevent such issues in our relationship, but I must admit you have not been my first priority. I know this is hard for you to hear.
But it's not you; it's me. I'm far too lazy to clean you the way you need to be cleaned after every feeding; I keep losing you under couches, beds and chairs; you've ended up as a toy in the toddler's tiny play town far too many times. I just don't think you deserve to be used so badly.
But don't give up. There will be other moms who need you and who will nurture you and love you for the beautiful silicon breastfeeding helper you are. But I think our days together are numbered. Plus, why stay in a relationship where you're constantly being abused and neglected? I hope you can find a new breast friend.
With equal parts of love and disdain,
Your neglectful breastfeeding mother
I am sorry I posted the picture of you in drag -- I mean with purple lips from necessary medical treatment-- on my blog. I hope none of your future buddies ever find it and give you a hard time by singing Rocky Horror Picture Show songs to you. I'm also sorry to have inadvertantly linked you to a part of my anatomy that'd you'd rather not be associated with.
P.S. -- Remember what we've taught you about grace and mercy when your high-school self finds this post.