Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Bigger Picture: Overwhelmed

Words had been pounding on my head begging to escape all day yesterday and today.
But there has been no time to let them out.
None.
After I dragged myself home from an unexpected morning at our business, I walked into the world of a messy house, a teething, tired babe and a sweet yet needy two year old. A Diaper change, trip to the potty, snack break and nursing-to-sleep session later, I thought I may have finally scored a solid 15 minute stretch to just write and lay out my heart on paper.
And then my beautiful two year old nestled himself in between my body and my computer. He lounged on my lap while rubbing my ear as I tried to type what I really needed to get out before I completely exploded.
"Mama, you read with me now?" he asked in his soft, little voice.
Resisiting was futile. I melted into the chair with him and read away about trains and ABCs and wumps as the words that had been haunting me for days retreated into hibernation.
Because, right now, the heart wins every time. And my heart, right now, isn't mine. It's theirs.
Maybe tomorrow there will be opportunity to whisper through the wire about how my understanding of myself became clearer this past weekend through the words of strangers who turned to friends or how my thoughts about authenticity were challenged.
But, right now, there is a baby waiting to snuggle his mommy. And, right now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

9 comments:

  1. "Resistance is futile."

    So true. Can't wait to hear your thoughts when you get to writing them. Take your time, lady. Blogs can wait, babies can't.

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  2. I hear you. I finally journaled tonight but haven't written anything up. I don't know that we are feeling the same way, but I know that this weekend held up a mirror that I wasn't expecting to look into. I'm still processing. Looking forward to reading your post.

    -elizabeth

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  3. Awwww...Love this post and can't wait for your next one!

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  4. Very sweet, but be careful. As a mom of a newborn and a 2 year old make sure to carve out time for yourself or you will burn out and those sweet moments of cuddling and reading can turn into anger and frustration.

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  5. Cannot wait to read what your heart is saying :) While our hearts aren't fully ours right now, the parts that are need to be recognized, but you know that!
    ... off to do some snuggling of my own...

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  6. I'm still finding it hard to put this weekend into words...especially when there are little ones to cuddle with ;)

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  7. Awww, enjoy those moments when you're snuggling. I could use some of those myself. Of course I could also use some quiet, too... and some motivation to run to the grocery store right now :)

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  8. Take your time, lady. Blogs can wait, babies can't.

    Work from home India

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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