Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Everyday Life: Live from Florida, the best of the toddler

Here are a few of my favorite toddlerisms from vacation ...


Me: "Honey, please don't pick up your brother by his head. Let go."
2.5 Year Old, sighs, stops what he's doing and looks at me incredulously: "I'm not, mommy."
Me: "It's not nice to lie."
2.5 Year Old, sighs, "I'm picking him up by his neck."

*****

Me: "If you take your brother's toy away, you're going to sit in time out."
2.5 Year Old: "If you not nice to me I huff and I puff and I blow your house down, mommy!"

*****

2.5 Year Old asked to go the bathroom while we were lunching at T-Rex, a dinosaur-themed restaurant at Disney's Pleasure Island. I immediately picked up and carried him to the bathroom only to discover after shutting the stall that he had kicked his shoes off during lunch.
"Ugh, kid," I groaned. "You kicked your shoes off. Now how are you going to pee?"
"Silly mommy! I no need shoes to pee," he announced loudly and proudly. "I have a weenie like daddy to pee! I no pee out of my butt like mommies."

I immediately regretted all of anatomy lessons we've had during the past few months when we exited the stall and found ourselves surrounded by little girls and their mothers, who I'm sure were just ecstatic that they now were afforded the opportunity to explain the conversation they'd all just overheard during their Disney World vacation. Supposed it will make the scrapbooks under the lunch at the dinosaur restaurant page for anyone? But, seriously, if looks could kill, I'd have been dinosaur lunch.

*****

Me: "Honey, can you please thank grandma for dinner tonight? It was so nice of her to take us out."
2.5 Year Old, loudly, dramatically and ironically seriously, "I can't. I'm just too shy."

Yup, that must be it.

*****

8 comments:

  1. I SO needed that laugh. Thank you!

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  2. Oh my gosh, every.single.one. of those is hilarious! I especially like the neck one and the bathroom one and the...heck. All of them are classic.

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  3. They're all so great but the last one is my favourite!

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  4. Hahahahaha! I laughed out loud at the bathroom scene.

    During a recent shopping trip, my 3 year old and I shared a handicapped stall and I was just so thrilled when her words echoed through bathroom: "Whoa, Mommy, you have a BIG bottom."

    *sigh*

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  5. Love it! I can definitely appreciate all of these!

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  6. Right. I like the weenie to pee part. I was recently laughed at for thinking a baby could fit out "your bottom" (inner dialog of a three year old: "IDIOT that woman!"). :-)

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  7. @Melanie -- oh, my! You gotta love those moments when they comment about your body in public. Thanks, kid. lol.

    @USNchic, glad I could provide your day with a little laugh.

    @Foursons, somehow I think you are chuckling because you have so been there with your own brood.

    @SwedishJenn, yes, he is apparently too shy, especially after that bathroom comment. haha.

    @Lorraine Renee, I'm so sorry if you appreciate some of these because you've actually been in the same situations. lol. Funny in retrospect, but it's not so funny when you're getting the death glances from other parents. ;)

    @Spot on your Pants, yeah, woman, geesh -- a baby can fit out of your bum ... riiiiiight. lol. These kids really can drive you around the on crazy bus long enough to think you've got a permanent pass.

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  8. How did I miss these? Priceless!

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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