Monday, March 8, 2010

Everyday Life: Daddy daze

At first, he never wanted anyone but mommy. At first, his days were filled with mommy, and he was satisfied only by my touch, by my soft hum in his little ears and by my heartbeat. He nursed every 45 minutes, and he spent nearly every waking and sleeping moment snuggled against my body. There wasn't much room for anyone else. He was my baby. My heart beating outside of my chest. My constant companion. My baby-sized appendage.
And, at first, though I loved him so deeply, it was tough. It was tough to be someone's everything. It was tough to be his entire world. It was tough to be in constant demand. Slowly, we found balance. And as quickly as we found it, we lost it seemingly overnight.

Now, he doesn't want anyone but daddy. Now, his days are still filled with mommy, but he longs for daddy. And he is only satisfied by daddy's comfort, by daddy's words and by daddy's attention. He waits for daddy all day long, and he insists daddy bathe him, read to him and snuggle him to sleep. There isn't much room for anyone else. Not even mommy.
And though I love that my husband finally gets to be the recipient of such intense, deep love from our first born, my heart twinges when he runs to daddy, leaving me in the dust. My heart plunges into my gut when he screeches for daddy as I try to help him or comfort him or cuddle him. My mind races back to the days when he would squirm atop my chest to find the perfect spot on top of my heart and sigh sweet contented baby sighs as he drifted into peaceful sleep.

It's been tough. It hurts that I'm not the one he chooses now. That I'm the one he can take or leave now. For now, though his days are filled with daddy, I know this daddy daze, much like the mommy one, shall pass. I know it's the first of many firsts and balance will resurface, but right now, it doesn't make it any easier.

4 comments:

  1. I so understand on this one. If we are going somewhere but must take different cars for whatever reason the boys ALWAYS want to ride with Dad.

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  2. Both of my kids LOVE their daddy - and would chose daddy in a heartbeat over anyone else (talk about mama guilt...) but it's good. And what's better is that our kids (yours and mine!) have a fabulous man in their life to have as a male figure. That's pretty amazing, and when I look at it that way, I don't mind the hype around daddy!

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  3. Oh! I started tearing up reading this post Hyacynth. I love what Corinne said.

    Though I tend to still be "the one", Daddy encroaching closer to our territory and I find myself getting more and more protective..ha!

    Thank you so much for sharing. God love you all!

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  4. I remember those days when they couldn't wait for Daddy. Now my three boys are much older and they seem to be more excited about their friends :) Oh well. My daughter is very mommy fixated right now. I actually feel bad for my hubby because she emphasizes her preference to him verbally. I know she'll be daddy's little girl again soon.

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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