Friday, March 5, 2010

Revelation: Dirt

Before I had kids, I was pretty sure I knew everything. I was quick to judge and sure I had it all figured out. But when I gave birth to my first, I also gave birth to a revelation: I'm pretty sure I don't know anything at all. Join me as I discover weekly in my Revelation posts how much of what I thought I already knew was actually wrong. Very, very wrong. I suppose having a baby barrel down your birth canal can really put a new twist on reality.

I used to think ...
that moms who let their poor babes with big, bright eyes run around with faces painted with this morning's breakfast and perhaps a few accent marks of last night's dinner were really lazy, irresponsible moms who probably lived in squalor, allowed their kids to bathe in mud and never ever did laundry or dishes. Oh, those sweet little angels are so cute, I thought. If only their mom cared enough to properly sanitize and bathe them. Poor little things.

I now realize ...
sometimes it's not worth the epic battle that ensues when a mom races at her 2.5 year old's yogurt-and-blueberry covered face with a washrag moments before they have to rush out the door to get to church on time because darnit
I'm bringing breakfast and cannot be late this morning AND could you fortheloveofGod PLEASE stop thrashing around on the floor and foaming at the mouth like you have Mad Cow Disease so I can simply and gently remove the crustees and stains from your cheeks/chin/eyes/nose?
OH.Well, then could you just sit there while I take a picture so I can commerate the day when I completely gave up on having you look like you were NOT RAISED IN A HILLBILLY MUDPIT?!

And go ahead. As soon as I pull out the camera and toss aside the wet wash cloth, take it as a sign that I'm waiving the white flag of surrender, wipe your face with the sleeve of your shirt and stare innocently at all the people who think "oh, that poor little angel; if only his mom cared enough to wipe his cute little face."


  1. Fynn has that shirt, it's his favorite :)

    And I love this post, because it's so true.

  2. He doesn't look like he has stuff all over his face.


  3. This is priceless. I too thought I had it all figured out pre-Mom and my favourite start of any sentence involving others' children was, "I may not be a Mom yet but I believe INSERT SOMETHING MORONIC". You know how it's sometimes helpful to hear "advice" from 3rd parties who can remain neutral to a particular situation? If that person is not a Mom, I now believe that 95% of the time they can shut their pie hole.

  4. I am a teacher. Every day I present my child to the world. Most days the world may choose between clean ironed uniform, clean face, brushed teeth, brushed hair, shined shoes.

    At no point may the world have all of the above although there are days when the world may have 2 or even 3.

    And it doesn't even cover all the stuff that he needs but we forget, only to be told jokingly by his teacher "and you a teacher's son AC!" I swear, when that lovely woman has children I'm going to have to work so hard on *not* saying anything lol!

  5. Isn't it funny how we are the perfect parents and know how to do it all until we have kids of our own?!


There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.