Friday, May 14, 2010

Letters of Intent: Geometry and secret-coded languages: two subjects in which I never earned an A

Foursons


Dear neighbor,

I like you. I really do. You are nice, and you are courteous, and you are friendly. Also, your dog is really stinkin' cute.

BUT.

You are ruining my [currently non-existent] garden. Yeah, today when I saw the Green Grass Guy [or whoever he was] spraying your grass, well, I realized that he wasn't just watering it with water, rather he was dousing it with chemicals.
You can see how this will be a problem when I'm trying to grow ORGANIC vegetables and fruits in my garden that is conveniently situated downhill from your backyard. Which has been sprayed with CHEMICALS. You know, the kind that KILL you? Just to be clear.

I'm going to get my non-sprayed, unpesticided plants and seeds tomorrow. And when I come back, I'm going to want my soil and stuff to be unsprayed and unpesticided, too, just so you know.

Green grass is overrated. A smattering of dandelions adds a bit of flavor and flair to the front yard. And those little cottony wisps provide hours of entertainment for my kids and my dog and thus more flair and flavor in the front yards of all our neighbors. Prairies are so totally in; manicured lawns are so 1990s suburbia.

So if you won't put a stop to this whole chemical spraying thing for reasons of health and wellness and, um, LIFE, perhaps you'll consider embracing a trend and hugging a tree [or a dandelion].

Yours truly,
Hyacynth
[the flower name is so totally worth it in this letter]

****

Dear 2.5 year old,

When you tell mommy that the elephant is in the tree, I cannot help but think it's code for something else; you know, like when people say "The crow flies at midnight!" You're a smart little guy, so I don't put this kind of coded-language talk above you. Granted, I should have known when I couldn't figure out said code, that it really was NOT code.
I should have realized that when you said "Mommy, the elephant is in the tree!" that you actually meant the elephant was in the tree. And that the tree was actually my living room lamp. And that when I reached up to turn on said lamp several hours later, an elephant would come raining down atop my head, screaming "Whoa! You know I can hear with these things!" [True story.] And that it would absolutely freak the crap out of me.
Love,
Mommy

****

Dear Geometry/Trig Teacher,

Remember when you told me that someday I'd need to know [fill in the blank]. Well, I didn't believe you.
Until today.
When we were trying to figure out how much organic mulch we'll need for our organic [currently in-planning stages] garden.



GROAN.

Sincerely,
Your worse student ever

****

Dear life,

You win. [But you best watch your back next week.]

Sincerely,
The high-school-math-drop-out me

9 comments:

  1. I'm laughing about the elephant :)
    And annoyed at your not so nature loving neighbor for you... that's going to be seriously awful to deal with :(
    And geometry? Hated. And am equally horrible at figuring out such things... which is why I call my mathematic loving brother when I need to figure things like that out!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The beauty of failing geometry is that there will always be someone to help you figure out how much floor tile or mulch you need ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Okay ... that elephant story was priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yay for natural landscapes! My home was perfectly manicured when we bought our house and now it is a weed-infested mess. I just can't afford to keep up with it to keep it golf course pretty. *sigh*

    I am cracking up over the talking elephant falling on your head. I have a feeling that will not be the last time an unexpected toy makes contact with your head. Ask me how I know as the mom of 4 boys. :)

    Oh my gosh, thank goodness my husband is a math wizard! I can't do it to save my life. Literally. I would just buy random amounts of stuff and hope I got enough and return if I got extra.

    Thanks for linking up this week!

    ReplyDelete
  5. all of these letters were priceless. Especially the elephant. 2.5 is a GREAT age. Going through it right now, and I have similar stories. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahah - love the elephant story! I can hasrdly wait to see what stories come out of V's mouth when she starts using real words. And your neighbor - how rude! Ugh! I can't believe people don't think about chemicals and how harmful they are to us. And I have to agree with you - geometry was AWFUL! I really dislike math - guess that's why I married an engineer ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great post! ha ha.
    I'm with Foursons. When we moved in there was not a dandelion in sight. Now the kids have contests to see who can find the one with the longest stem. Some of them are over 2ft. Only along the fence where we (really badly) need to weed whack. Also especially with our well water, I'm terribly leery of using lawn chemicals.
    An elephant in the tree is priceless. You will remember that and cherish it forever. I adore the way little ones pretend. :)
    Geometry sucks. The end.
    I'm a guesser. Usually it works out well for me. I don't mulch my veggie gardens. Only the flower ones. Maybe because I dig in them more and hate dealing with mulch? Who knows.
    I can't wait to see your garden!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I adore your Letters of Intent. Like ADORE!!!! And I know just what you mean about the fertilizer. Last week, the fertilizer guys were coming around soliciting their services. They spoke with my husband, pointing out to him our many lawn related problems. My husband's reply was "we just really don't care." But when he came back inside and relayed the story, I said "did you say that we choose not to poison our land and our children? Did you tell him we have a well and that whatever we put in the ground we will eventually be drinking? Did you tell him how harmful his chemicals are to the Earth large scale?" I guess he just forgot to mention those things!

    {and I know...I have "other things" to be typing right now...I promise I will email you soon!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Corinne and @Stephanie totally agree with you about geometry; I call in the hubby. And I'm also calling in the hubby to deal with the neighbor! haha!!

    @Megryansmom, now isn't that the truth. lol. That's why those people get paid the big bucks.

    @Beth, you haven't lived until you've had an elephant tumble on top of your head in the dark. :)

    @Foursons and @Nicole Do you all want to be my weed-loving neighbors. Perhaps I should write dandelion-loving neighbors.

    @Robin, are you writing them all down? I plan to share them at my kids' weddings.

    @Maegan, that's what I would like to say to our neighbor, but since I'm sending DH to deal with it, I'm sure his reply will be much like your hubby's. Lol. Guys.

    ReplyDelete

There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

ShareThis