Saturday, May 22, 2010

Potty Learning: It's black and white, baby

Remember when I threatened to tape two-year-old G.'s diaper onto his rump if he peed in one more bucket, cup, box or shoe? {No, you don't? Well, then, you can read here, here or here about that insanity.}

Anyway, apparently our lessons in potty learning have paid off. G. hasn't peed in one bucket {or anything else} for at least two months. Every little dribble has gone in the potty {or has fallen on the seat surrounding it, because, hey there, he's two and he's just learning how to aim that thing.}

It's been so good around here in terms of potty usage that we have moved into full-time underwear wearing. {And by we, I mean G. Hubs and I have been wearing underwear full time now for about 25 years.} So we try to remember to remind G. to hit the bathroom before we venture off in the car because of the whole underwear-sporting awesomeness.

Except for today. We completely forget to make a potty pit stop before we pack up and pull out. So it's not really surprising that once we hit the middle of the country, G. wails he has to go potty. "NOW!!!"

"Can you hold it?"

"Noooooooo!"

We're not there yet," I say, frantically scanning the back roads for some building that might have a public restroom.

"Mommy, I have to go potty now!"

"Pull over?" John asks.

I scan the sidelines of the road again and nod my head yes.

"OK, buddy, get out and go!" I tell him as soon as hubby parks the car next to some tall brush and bushes.

G. and hubs scurry over to the side of the road. Windows down, I hear G. cry:

"But there's no TOILET! I cannot make my pee pee in the grass. I need a toilet."

"Just go," hubby reassures him. "If you have to go, it's OK to go right here."

"I can't!" G. wails. "I need a toilet! I need one. I'm not going to pee in the grass! NOOOO!"

Now he's hysterical.

Hubby buckles him into the car, G. is still wailing, because he's absolutely horrified about peeing in the bushes along the side of a road and because his bladder is about to explode. He screams the entire rest of the trip. We arrive at our destination, hubby rushes him inside to the bathroom and my ears stop ringing. G. emerges from the bathroom, his face still full of concern. As we walk around the gardening store, G. looks at me and says, "We only put our pee in the potty, mommy. The grass is NOT the potty."

"Yes, honey, I know." I answer sheepishly. "I know."

This potty learning stuff? It's black and white, baby. Either all pee must enter the toilet or not. There's no gray area for an almost three year old. None. Ever.

And the extra pee in the proverbial potty?

Two hours later, G. is playing outside and then comes to the screen door and shouts:
"Mommy, mommy! I have to pee. Let me in! Let me in! I will NOT pee out here in the grass like you said to. I want to put my pee in the potty!"

I bet the neighbors think we're insane.

9 comments:

  1. "I will NOT pee out here in the grass like you said to."

    ROFLOL! Love this!

    My non potty using two year old, sadly, is still at the "Woah, I'm peeing!" stage and stands and watches the puddle. *sigh.* Oh, well... hopefully we'll make some progress this summer!

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  2. This has me in stitches!! You know fynn made a scene at the beach last week when I told him to be stealthy and pee in the water since no one else was in the water! They are really so funny when it comes to the potty :)

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  3. I wish! We let my son pee outside in our courtyard in the city ONCE to avoid an accident and still 3 yrs later he asks to just pee outside, I don't want to go in, can't I just pee here. Sigh, boys!

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  4. Bwahahahahahaha! That's what you get for teaching him to pee in the potty. Hahahahaha. Love it.

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  5. Then on the flipside, Luke got pee outside ONE TIME and now thinks he needs to do it all the time!

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  6. Hah! SO funny! Lauren (our almost, but not really, potty-training 2 year old) is cracking me up with her words about pee lately, too.

    Every time she's naked, she says "Mama" (shaking her head) "We DON'T pee-pee on the floor. We DON'T pee-pee on the bed. We DON'T pee-pee on mama." So when she saw ME naked this morning, she said, very sternly: "Mama! We DON'T pee-pee on the floor, ok?"

    I didn't :)

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  7. That has got to be one of the best things a kid has said - ever! I LOVE it. *giggle giggle snort*

    But really, is this what puts the neighbors over the edge, or have they been there already? ;)

    PS I got you confused with a different Lake Co blogger. For about a year. Eeps. I thought you had a SIL living in my town. But no, it was someone else.

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  8. Oh, if only this post didn't resonate for me quite as perfectly as it does! We are smack dab in the middle of potty training right now. And you're absolutely right: there's no wiggle room for negotiation with these little guys, is there? Reading your post, I almost felt like you were quoting my son when you were quoting yours. Maybe we should get them together for a playdate so they can tell us how things work? :)

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  9. I'm not a big fan of peeing in the grass either G, you just keep peeing in your potty.

    Signed a Mema who carries a plastic wiener shield in her makeup case everywhere she goes, because her grandson won't pee standing up.

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Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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