Thursday, June 10, 2010

Creativity Boot Camp: Grow {Day five}

Day five of Creativity Boot Camp, and I'm feeling really tapped. Yet, I'm holding fast to my commitment to grow as an artist and stretch myself by writing about that which I normally wouldn't write. And, awesomely, today's prompt was growth. Poetic justice or divine intervention, it's apparently just what the Doctor ordered for my comfort-loving heart.

Growth {Day five}

I prayed nearly the entire stretch of I-294 as we ventured directly out of my comfort zone and into the unknown and uncertain: my first far-away excursion where the boys outnumbered the me, the voice of reason, the keeper of treats and the insistor of peeing in the potty.
Clutching the steering wheel so tightly that I gave myself a cramp in one palm, I pondered turning around, retracing the short path we'd traveled back to our house.
I thought of so many reasons why I should abandon plans to venture to the cabin on the lake as the sole caregiver of two little boys -- bathroom mishaps, vomit, car trouble, accidents, traffic jams, crying baby, crying toddler, crying mother. Press repeat, replay a few more times.
But I wanted to go more than I didn't. All winter long, I'd counted down the weeks until we could return. I craved sitting at the edge of the water, watching the boys dig in the sand, splash in the gentle blue waves. I longed to watch the sun disappear behind giant trees, last bits of light sparkling on the lake.
I didn't want to wait another day more than I didn't want to take the adventure alone.
And when a sweet friend suggested we meet at another sweet friend's house to play with another sweet friend while we ate lunch; and when I found her house was a perfect stopping point on our path, I felt even more encouraged.
So I kept praying. Praying that God would give me some kind of super-woman confidence. Praying God would help me trust, help me rest in His strength.
And I wrestled with it as we sped along the highway until I was just too tired to grip it and the steering wheel at the same time.
So I gave it away. I gave it to God.
And He took it.
I'm so glad He took it, so I could take all of this in: a beautiful afternoon with friends, a late afternoon romp in the water, a perfect sunset and a new-found confidence in my own mothering abilities and in His parenting abilities.
It seems so silly, irrational, me being frightened to take a 3.5-hour road trip with my boys. But aren't all fears?
Because it's about more than just venturing off in our car for a weekend at the lake; it's about stretching, getting out of my comfort zone and trusting that He'll take whatever I give Him and turn it into growth .
Growth in friendship, growth in mothering, growth in trusting, growth in the act of growing and growth in the act of praying myself down a stretch of highway that promises to lead to someplace so familiar yet so starkly new at the same time.

4 comments:

  1. Amen :) the kids and I honestly do a lot of daytrip travel, upwards of two hours each way, but I always feel a little nervous setting out. But at the end of the day, knowing you did it (!) Is awesome :) now... to get up the gumption to do a 10+ hour ride is next for us both! Hope you all sleep well tonight!

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  2. Good for you!!! I so love this post because I can relate to those moments of panic and thinking "I don't know if I can do this". I'm so glad it all worked out! It's wonderful when we get a glimpse of our inside Super-Woman. And wonderful when God takes out worries and gives us His peace.

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  3. wow, that is really beautiful! I feel like that often and i only have one child :) way to go getting through that experience and growing from it. Your words are beautiful, great work

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  4. This post was what I needed to read! In 2 weeks I'm about to fly overseas with my 7 month old...by myself. I'm so nervous and just thinking about it sends my stomach into knots. The line that stuck with me the most was:
    "And I wrestled with it as we sped along the highway until I was just too tired to grip it and the steering wheel at the same time.
    So I gave it away. I gave it to God.
    And He took it."
    I'm going to remember this line during our journey...thank you :)

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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