Thursday, June 17, 2010

Creativity Boot Camp: Smooth {Day Twelve}

**Note** A week from today, we'll be launching our first-ever Bigger Picture Moments link-up as a way to build and foster community, flex our creative muscles and ponder the bigger picture found in everyday moments.

Our of our moments most likely will be different -- some of us may find the bigger picture of life whispered in the words of a child and others of us may find our moment spread across the sky in a sunset, perhaps a testament to faith or art or beauty or anything. It's open for interpretation.

The ladies who helped dream up Bigger Picture Blogs will take turns hosting the link up, and next week, you'll find the link up right here! {Also, we *may* have a tiny surprise planned for next week's link-up.}

Enjoy finding your bigger picture moment this week. I'm so excited to read. **End note**

Today is day twelve of Creativity Boot Camp.

Smooth {Day Twelve}

I'm bathing in the smoothness of a coffee bean soaking in milk at my neighborhood coffee shop.

I needed a break from being mommy because this morning I felt like I was being pulled into the thick undertow of life, unable to break free from its force. I needed time and space to be still, resurface, try to float my way out of the undercurrent instead of flailing and kicking and pushing my body through dense water.

It's not my boys' fault. They're no different than normal. Our days have been a normal mix of laughter and tears -- the usual cocktail of motherhood.

Though I normally wade along the shoreline, keeping my feet firmly planted in sand sometimes the tide swells up around my ankles before I notice and I'm standing waist deep in water. And when that happens, I retreat back to the water's edge. But riptides, nonetheless sneak up on you and pull you under. It's the way of water, the way of life.

Father's Day snuck up on me. It pooled around my feet earlier this week as I made plans to see my grandfathers for celebrations. It slowly crept up my legs as I realized I had two grandfathers and no actual living father to celebrate. It covered my body when I pondered what exactly to do with my dad's gift. And it swept me under when G. asked to make a card for Papa Brian this morning as we were crafting a card for my husband.

Of course, we made one, and I lovingly encouraged G. to draw in bright, beautiful colors on it and "write" about how much he missed his Papa Brian. Internally, I kicked against the undertow, noting that I should take the card to my dad's tomb. And I forcefully pushed my arms through the water as I thought about taking flowers, too. And my heart wildly beat inside my chest when I realized I wasn't breaking free, rather I was being sucked down, down, down.

So I'm here, resting instead of resisting. Trying to figure out which way the water is flowing, so I can swim with it. Letting the water push me along until I can discern which way I need to swim in order to break free. Gathering steam while I swim parallel to the shore, understanding the movement of the water, knowing that making a beeline back might leave me exhausted before I reach land. And I'm already so tired.

So I'm resting, waiting, bathing, so I don't drown myself struggling in uncharted waters. I'm taking it moment by moment, trusting that if I can't resurface, break out, He'll throw me a lifeline.

5 comments:

  1. I always find that those lifelines are thrown at exactly the right time. :) ♥tlb

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  2. Thinking of you...
    (and there must be something in the air... because I was at that breaking point for a few days this week too... not fun!)

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  3. Oh girl...I KNOW. I know you know that I know. Did ya get that? Take a deep breath. I have found that the days leading up to a "special" day are harder than the day itself. No doubt about it, this Sunday will be hard. As will all the firsts of the coming year. This is my 3rd Father's Day without my dad- it still hurts but not as much as the 1st. Hang in there. Time will make it better. Not right, but better.

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  4. Oh Hyacynth, hugs to you... the first Father's Day without your father must be unbelievably hard. I love how your son is still including him, but so hard. Fingers crossed you break free soon. And yes, you made me cry again!

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  5. Hyacynth, ***hugs***

    Are we sure the link-up to "Bigger Picture Moment" is working? Tried this morning and it doesn't work for me (could be user error :)

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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