Saturday, July 17, 2010

Thinking, that's all: Oh, my heart

What's left of my heart keeps dropping into the pit of my stomach.

The baby takes a few steps, and John's not here to see the look of pure excitement spread across his little lips. G. says something hilarious, and I'm giggling without the presence of his daddy's easy laugh.

John is away on a business trip, and I'm pretty sure he packed half of my heart in his suitcase, carried it along with him on the plane and is holding it hostage in London ... soon to be Ireland.

While he's gone, I check the weather in London. And tomorrow when he arrives in Ireland, I'll switch to checking the weather for Dublin.

I don't really care about the weather in London or Dublin ... mostly I just want to know what he's looking at while he's staring out the train window or walking into the office.

It's a silly, simple little tie to him. And it's comforting that I can just close my eyes and imagine that he's soundly sleeping against the background sounds of rain drumming against his hotel window while I'm lying in my bed struggling to fall asleep without him {even though my body is bone-tired}.

I'm just ready for him to walk through the door, wrap me in his arms and give me that piece of my heart back so what's left stops slipping into my stomach from its normal place in my chest.

I know he's only gone for eight days, but that's a long time to feel like a little piece of yourself is on hiatus.

I just want my heart to be anchored to my ribs, beating in its rightful place.

I'm ready for him to bring it home. I'm ready for him to be home.


  1. You are blessed to hold such a love! Not everyone knows how to give so much of themselves in order to get such blessing in return! I pray your heart returns to you safe ... and soon!

  2. Oh honey, I can only imagine how hard it must be. Without my own husband I am lost, completely and utterly lost. He is my anchor, my connection to reality, and nothing is complete without him. In this I think we are so lucky to be the same. How wonderful to feel completed by our men, how hard it is when they aren't there to complete us. I'm thinking of you. What you wrote for him here is so beautiful.

  3. Oh honey... have been thinking about you.
    Wish I had some words that would help. But he'll be home soon :)

  4. This is beautifully written. Can't say that I relate, though; my hubby travels all the time, and while we are very much in love, I'm happy to have the space and time to myself. Now I feel a little guilty....

  5. I love your love! Remarkable and inspiring. What a wonderful gift it is to your boys, who are themselves anchored by such love.

  6. It's funny really, when a husband is gone on a regular basis, you callus a little. Reading this it brings back so many memories, so many tears. But there is something to look forward too...

  7. aw, this is so sweet. I just love the way you right. I hate being away from my hubby too. hopefully your tie apart will go quickly!

  8. Beautifully written post, I can feel your love and longing in your words. My husband doesn't travel a whole lot, but when he is gone I always camp out in the living room, I sleep better there than in an empty bed...I still don't sleep like a baby, but I sleep. I hope your time apart goes quickly!

  9. Oh I'm sorry =( I hope you find ways to make the time go by incredibly quickly!!!

  10. :'-( Aw, you poor thing! I would be a wreck without my hubby for 8 days! I can barely sleep without him for just one night (can't imagine longer than that).

    I'll be praying for the Lord's comfort over you while he's gone and that the rest of the time flies!

    Lots of love to you,

  11. Eight days IS a long time!!! Last fall, I was about 33 weeks pregnant & my son was almost two, and my husband had to be gone for a week, and it was HARD - I feel your pain!!!! I planned fun things to do with my Z each day so I could look forward to it, too! :) I love the weather idea, to stay connected!

  12. I know how it is to be a business trip widow. Last summer my hubby was gone for 3 straight weeks. I lived for those moments on the phone with him. Of course I enjoyed all the alone time with my bambinos, but the nights were so lonely that it was... palpable.

    I hope that your ache subsides soon.

  13. Awww Hyacynth, that's beautiful. He's halfway home again though ... but that is a long time to miss such huge milestones. Little E is really walking? Yay for him!

  14. I completely understand. Tony and I have been married for almost 26 years now and we've rarely spent more than just a day apart. When we are I feel exactly as you do.

    I guess I'm not much help telling you that it doesn't get any easier even after all these years. But then again, I'm glad it doesn't. Must be love, huh?

  15. Your words brought tears to my eyes. One of the reasons we traipse all over Wisconsin in the summer for bike races, is because Ted likes to keep us close and I don't like to be away from him that long. Hope your heart returns to you safely!

  16. Oh, thank you so much! I love your blog too, Hyacynth. I am not surprised to hear that you are a giver. You seem SO sweet : ).

    I too feel that God has blessed me with the gift of giving. It feels so good to be His hands and feet!

    I just said a prayer that hubby's trip goes quickly and you're still doing okay. Hang in there girl!

  17. I hate it when Brent goes to work for 8 hours...never mind any sort of multiple day trip away. Everything just tends to feel heavier without him here. I totally get it! xoxo


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