Saturday, August 21, 2010

Everyday Life: Just fine

I danced with Baby E in front of the fish tank, small little steps that mean only motion, not the footing to any specific dances, just a mishmash of all the ones I've learned throughout the years.

He whined, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

We were way off schedule; he wanted only to lie down in his bed, snuggle against me and nurse to sleep just like we do every day around that hour.

But instead, he was strapped to my chest in the carrier, and I was pointing to fish swimming in a tank at the doctor's office.

He wanted to be off playing, running around sleepily.

But sometimes, he just needs to be held.

"You're just fine," I sang in a soft voice. "You're going to be just fine. We'll go home in a little bit and take a nap, and you'll be just fine."

****

Earlier yesterday morning I discovered a lump on my breast, red, swollen and tender to the touch.

A recovering worrier, I went from simple bug bite to plugged milk duct to cyst to tumor in about 60 seconds before calling to get an appointment with my doctor.

I wrote about worrying. I didn't let myself continue in that sinking ship of fear and yesterday morning during the hours between the discovery and the doctor's appointment.

I talked to a few friends, all of whom offered good thoughts and prayers and left me with comforting words about what the lump probably was and what it probably wasn't.

And while I totally appreciated the words or comfort and would have been a little more irritable without them, I knew I needed more.

So I opened the Word and read.

Sometimes I just need to be held.

I felt Him covering me with His reassurance, dancing a few steps to keep me in a calming rhythm.

"You're going to be just fine."

****
Our doctor examined the lump.

He's someone to be trusted {he's delivered 4,000 babies and cared for their mamas for decades}.

So when he shared that the lump was most likely an infected milk gland, I didn't question his judgement.

"You'll be just fine by Monday," he said.

****

We arrived home, rushed inside the house so Baby E. could take his nap.

I carried him upstairs to his room as he cried and whimpered and held onto my arms, clearly tired and distraught.

I climbed into his bed next to him, cuddled up next to his baby body and nursed him.

He quieted quickly and relaxed.

He was just fine.

And so am I.

Because no matter what Monday {or Sunday or Friday or Tuesday} brings, I'm so very held.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and kind words. I'm feeling much better -- worry wise and infected-milk-duct wise.

11 comments:

  1. so glad it is something small.
    and in who you trusted in when you weren't sure.

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  2. Oh praise God! So happy to hear this news and so glad He gave you the comfort you needed. Enjoy your Sunday and dance with sweet E just a little bit more. :)

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  3. I'm thankful that's all it was. How painful! And poor baby E! Beautiful post, and I love how you tie it all together :)

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  4. Praise the Lord! I'll be praying for your recovery - those are not fun!

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  5. So glad you are feeling better. That is mighty painful, speaking from experience. Praise the LORD that he holds us through it all.

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  6. Al and I are so glad that you are okay! Thank God for His continued blessings of health, happiness, and prosperity! Love you lots!

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  7. As a fellow recovering worrier, I'm glad your mind is at ease and you've learned to live with faith and hope rather than give into fear. It's a daily struggle, but you're winning!

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  8. so glad to hear it wasn't anything serious! I am a worrier, too; I understand going from 0 to warp speed within seconds. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you've got a source of strength and peace, and a great doctor!

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  9. "Because no matter what...I'm so very held" - beautiful thought. And you are.

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  10. this is such a lovely post about something so scary. thankful all is well.

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