Tuesday, February 8, 2011

On the Road: Signs You've Been Carbound too long

The boys and I arrived safely in Fort Myers, Florida yesterday along with their grandmother, and frankly, I'm still recovering from the three-day road trip.

So this will be short and sweet.

But here are five signs you've been in the car for too long:

5. You've resorted to bribing your kids to sit in the car for longer than they want under the guise of trying to make it to the "ice cream shop." When you arrive at the "ice cream shop," you promptly abandon all pre-planned healthy snacks and dive head first into a Wendy's frosty.
Because YOU needed it to drown your sorrows even after the kids had long forgotten about promises of sweet, delicious frosty goodness.

4. Your toddler no longer sounds like a small human; rather he sounds like a seriously disgruntled baby elephant that's escaped from the zoo and has taken up an undesired residency in your backseat.

3. You, a normally cautious driver who often uses her passenger-side invisible emergency brake when the actual driver comes too close to another car, declare that you don't care how fast Lightning McGrandma is driving -- Just.get.us.there.SOON.

2. Sophie the Giraffe, who normally only makes her presence known through squeaking noises that emerge from the backseat as the elephant -- er, toddler gnaws on her, grows magical giraffe wings and goes airborne, arriving in super-speed fashion stunned and face up on your dashboard while the car is barreling down the highway at some rocket-like speed.

1. The resident 3 year old whose been silently basking in a Curious George/pretzel/juice box-induced coma suddenly and fiercely bellows: "Stop the car!! Mommmy!! Grandma!! STOP THE CAR. MY PANTS ARE STUCK IN MY BUTT. And I NuuuuEEEEEED you to GET MY PANTS OUT OF MY BUTT. NOOOOOWWW!"

More tomorrow. After my butt has regained feeling and I can sit and type for longer periods of time.