Friday, December 2, 2011

Pregnancy Loss: So we meet again

And so we meet again, wet tears dripping over smiling cheeks.

I sit on the couch bathed in a cocktail of gratitude mixed with more spiked grief on an early Thursday morning the first of December, both loss and blessing vividly apparent while my oldest son wraps tightly his arms around his mother's shaking shoulders, my youngest snuggled securely in between my arm and body.

I woke up seven weeks pregnant this morning, a small babe nestled within the still-deep confines of a guarded womb.

And I'm going to sleep tonight having sent another baby into the arms of Jesus.

I thought, this time, I would still be growing the gift we'd been given; I had hopes we'd have an early Christmas present to share -- one wrapped tightly with in the safety of a growing abdomen, glowing mother set to be opened and exclaimed over and loved sometime in mid-July.

We don't always get to open our gifts in the ways we expect.

Our hearts are heavy.

But they are also free.

Because we're still celebrating the birth of a Baby King -- and because that Baby King grew into a man who lived and died to love and redeem, I know that on the other side of heaven I'll go to both of the souls we've bid farewell earlier than expected, arms opened for the holding.

And so we'll meet again.

{Please don't feel the need to say anything, but please do offer up prayers of healing on our family's behalf and prayers of thankfulness for the blessings we enjoy and the One that has given us the ultimate Joy. I'll be taking a break this weekend to catch my breath and heal.}