Monday, July 30, 2012

Everyday Life: The Weight of Even Good

On a Monday, I read aloud the letter slowly and deliberately for the first time. 

We sit around my dining room table as the boys play not-so-quietly in the adjoining living room.

Our hands -- they are so very full, I explain, smiling at the goodness of blessings in arms. 

Our employees, who are more like family, friends, they nod as my words unfold and then come together again realizing that this letter I'm speaking isn't one of just gratitude but rather one explaining our decision to seek out new hands to take the ropes of our Curves. 

Our hands, I say again, they are too full.

I can feel the heaviness lifting out of my arms when the understanding comes pouring out of their lips and shows in their knowing nods. 

Everyone knows what I'm saying is true, and I probably was the last one to realize it anyway. I've been feeling the heaviness we've been carrying since the first of this year brought about an unexpected health journey and the emergence of two growing boys who require more than just extra muscle to haul their lengthening bodies but also extra endurance and strength to shoulder the pangs of getting older. 

Then God, being good and being God, well, he's been pulling me toward living out the strengths He's given me, by not just opening doors, but hand-crafting them with only a carpenter's skill out of seemingly enormous and solid and unlikely walls. 

I can almost feel the stress in my arms when I think I about trying to carry it all ...

or when I think about trying to strong-arm my will against His out of the simple fear of change. 

We don't entertain the thought of carrying the entire good but heavy load -- the club, the boys, our marriage, writing, the ministries, the new callings -- for longer than it takes to pray and seek council and hear

that something has to be given into new hands

because we simply can't carry any of it well, if we keep dropping pieces of everything along the way.

And, so on a Monday, I turn my palms up and unclasp my grip

willing to let another set of hands unload from our arms 

some of the weight of blessing we're no longer meant to carry.

4 comments:

  1. Sending you love. This had to be a heart wrenching decision, and i'm sure He has a beautiful plan, and what a blessing that you are listening :) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's always incredibly hard to make these kinds of decisions, and choosing between passions is a wrench. But I'm sure you're making the best choice possible for your family and your needs and it will all work out for the best in the end. Good luck as you shift and transition and delve deeper into the other elements of your life!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The gentle nudges of God's calling can easily go unnoticed. You are blessed to be so open to hearing His voice and listening to the message. Best wishes during this transition.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It must be hard letting go of something you hold so dear to your heart and I can read that in your writing. I hope that this transition is easy on you. I hope that your heart heals from having to let go of something you love. And I hope that your new path is paved with opportunity.

    ReplyDelete

There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

ShareThis