Thursday, August 30, 2012

Bigger Picture Moments: I Wonder

I wonder to myself -- especially mornings when we sleep in long and restful tucked together in the same king sized bed long after daddy leaves for work -- if this is it.

If we're full.

If we're happy to accept that these two little bodies who sneak in beneath our covers during the early morning and snuggle themselves next to our own are the only fruit that will come of our vine.

In the moment, I say yes.

I can say yes -- there in the bed -- because I'm absolutely bursting with gratitude that these little toes and little legs, little minds and little souls are fabulous gifts that just keep growing and we just get to keep unwrapping.

In that moment there's fullness in my heart and in my bed and in my arms.

Fullness.

I love being mom to two.

I love the the way our family operates. The way I sleep solid now without children waking me most nights. The way John and I are able to send the boys on overnight with their grandparents while we spend time together. The way I have one hand for each as we walk through parks and parking lots, one parent for each on family dates.

I love two. On days like this, I rest in the fullness, the functionality of two and call it complete.

***

We rehome a kitchen island from another family after years of talking about how our kitchen needs more storage, more counter top, more seating in order to make cooking and communing and conversing at the same time enjoyable.

We set it up perfectly, and we marvel about how it makes the kitchen not just functional and full but also complete.

Our boys are perched on the stools, leaning elbows on the countertop as I slice and dice zucchini and John unloads plates from the dishwasher for dinner.

In the midst of the chatter and food preparations, I smile and catch a glimpse of two little sets of feet dangling next to the legs of the stools.

Little legs

My heart instantly, unexpectedly groans for a third pair to swing from the third stool.

With two little boys, my heart says we are functional and full. So very functional. So very, very deeply full.

But that third stool -- it somehow screams the definition of complete to a heart that hears.


Each Thursday we come together to share the harvest of intentional living through sharing a piece of life gleaned: a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with the beauty in the simple moments of the week. Link up your gleaned moment this week at Melissa's!


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11 comments:

  1. I understand that longing. It takes nothing away from the two special little guys at that counter. May God bring you peace.

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  2. I understand your heart longing so well even with for sets of little (I guess some not so little) feet in my home. My hubby said something recently that he thinks I may never not want more...and that's okay, maybe God will answer that longing prayer in a way we cannot even imagine right now.

    You are often on my heart and in my prayers.

    Much love, my friend!

    ps-I miss you.

    jen

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  3. God knows the desires of your heart and I believe He will answer them.

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  4. We knew, by the time my second was one, that we were 'full'...I wrestled on and off for years with the desire to adopt. To this day my kids tease me about wanting a baby brother or sister. This is one of those areas that doesn't come with a 'right or wrong' answer, so {I think} the longing and wondering weaves its way in and out over time. Looking back, I can also see that our family was 'perfect' as four OR could have been 'perfect' as five...I think the "extra room" we had as a family got shared with tons of kids from all sorts of other families over the years...we have many 'adopted' arms...lots of kids running around out there who call me mom! Probably more info than you needed to know...just my attempt to say that whatever happens with that third stool, the family you build will fill you....to overflowing!

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    Replies
    1. Actually, I'm not sure you could have said anything more wonderful, Adrienne. xo

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  5. This gave me chills, lady. Chills. In 80 degree weather.
    (can I be the third set of feet at the counter? Maybe, say, in a few weeks? ;))

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  6. These words really spoke to my heart. I often wonder if this baby is the last and I wondered that with Reese too. Will God bless us with another? It's never a given. Sometimes I wish I knew as if that knowledge might change the way I experience and cherish the coming months. Whatever He has in store for us, I always try to remember that He will fill our home with the right number of feet and someday we will fully understand the reasons behind His plan.

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  7. Oh Hy...I love how you write right where you are, so honest and open and raw. I was listening to Focus on the Family's Radio Theater production of Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place and there's one scene where Corrie remembers a conversation with her dad as a little girl. He asks her to carry his suitcase off the train one day and, after attempting, without success, to lift it, she says, "I can't! It's too heavy!" He says, "Exactly...and I would be a pretty poor father if I expected you to carry that" and then he continues to explain how God is the same way. God knows that your future is too much for your human mind to carry, so He carefully holds the pieces of your story in His hands and gives them to you, one by one, piece by piece, only when you are ready and able to carry them. He knows the longing of your heart and He knows your future - remember that and rest in that.

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  8. really enjoy this - thank you for sharing your heart - for what it's worth - I have 3 sets of feet on my stools . . . but we have 4 stools . . . and I often feel much the same. :) love you!

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  9. What a beautiful way to communicate your longing. I hope one day, when the time is right and your body is fully ready, that your wishes will all be fulfilled.

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  10. I totally get this ... as much as I long for a girl. Someone to share my love of Barbies, and that I can have that mother daughter bond. I know we are full, done, and I'm at peace with that {although there are times my heart doesn't agree} I'm glad your heart and mind have found a full space, and when and if that time for more comes along may it make you more full. Hugs friend.

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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