Thursday, October 25, 2012

Bigger Picture Moments: Pushing Away from the Table {I Lost It}

In the early-morning rush of getting the boys out the door, I lost it over cinnamon apple oatmeal.

I lost it amid the heat rising from the hot bowl of breakfast he irritably pushed away from his place setting at the table, amid the heat rising from my own flushed and rushed body, fluttering about in a hurried shuffle to get in the car and begin an over-scheduled day.

From the moment I pressed my feet on the ground beside my bed, I felt a like a whirlwind of movement and thought, and despite trying to order my day by sinking myself into the the Word in the morning, I could not quiet myself enough to stand still let along sink and soak.

When tears of outrage came over the cinnamon apples being mixed IN the oatmeal instead of being served one the side

when the refusal to even try this breakfast came

when the thought of him having to sit through two hours of class in the morning and then the dentist, thus likely ensuing a meltdown before we made it to lunch,

steam began rising from my hot-headed rush

and words began firing out of my heated mouth

and I lost it over cinnamon apple oatmeal.

The heat of irritation, fueled by rush and movement, left my body so quickly through raised voice and regretful words that it left me solid frozen in my steps shortly after I huffed out of the dining room while my oldest cried about how it was "just oatmeal, mom."

It took fire burning strong and hot and fast and furious to bring me into stillness, an icicle of realization grounded in my kitchen that though I've long given care to never ever ever feed the bears spaghetti on days the hard days, the tough days

but have never given really thought to not overfilling my own plate

and making those days more likely.

And, so, today, I scoop onto the plate only what is necessary to sustain life

and tonight, we'll all push away from the table for a longer pause, fasting and resting in what is necessary for life only in the moments spread out before us.

{Oh the humbling experiences that parenting brings; shortly after my flames burned out, I got to eat some humble pie, apologize and reinforce that even when we are piping hot, we still treat each other with love and kindness and respect. I call this lessons from the trenches.}


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8 comments:

  1. "only what is necessary to sustain life" yes and yes. sometimes we need to say no to say yes.

    mothering is ever the refining process, isn't it? grace for them, grace for us. xo

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  2. This is so interesting...I grew up in a house where all that boiled stayed carefully buried under the surface of well mannered, well behaved cool-calm-and collected conduct. And I grew up incapable of processing negative emotions. With my kids, we were determined to create an honest, safe place for their emotions to LIVE...the good ones, the bad ones and the really ugly ones. And when my emotions weren't pretty, I exposed and expressed them...and sometimes, like we all do, just really lost it! But with care, a pattern of expression and not eruption, and an apology afterwards, I'll tell you today my kids had a MUCH better emotional education than I did. I love that you push your limits. I love that you find time for refuge. And I believe that moments like this, handled well {after the fact!}, do as much (if not more?!) to mold and train our kids as all the picture perfect moments do. Hugs. And better luck tomorrow morning!

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  3. I truly believe that apologies do heal when they are meant from the heart. Tomorrow will be better, Hy. Kids will always squabble over food. It is the one thing they have complete control over in their little minds and so therefore they like to flex that muscle of independence.

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  4. Oh, I can picture this exactly. I've been there too and I know they're such hard moments. I'm glad you found grace though. And the presence of mind to change direction.

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  5. Oh, wait was that my dinner table, my morning. Oh, yes!!! Life is stinky in the fact that everyone everywhere is overbooked and over stressed, and eventually it will come out in a ROAR that even the neighbors can hear. And we all need to say "no" sometimes, and we need to push away from the table and relieve our already overfilled plate so that when these lessons from the trenches occur we can handle them with the Grace that we know lies in our hearts, and if it does happen {which it inevitably will, because life sometimes cannot just STOP} we will show Grace and forgiveness after the ROAR. Hugs mama...we all get it...we've all been there.

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  6. I recently saw a quote pinned on pinterest that said something like "I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry." We've ALL been there dear. Your children know they are loved. It's evidenced so strongly by their own response.

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  7. Wouldn't I love to have some sure fire wisdom to give you so that this never happens again?! hmmm, right! What I can offer is a sympathetic and knowing nod and sigh. I have had this breakfast more times than I care to think about.

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  8. Only what is necessary... yes :)
    (and Jade's quote that she saw? LOVE it!)

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