Monday, October 1, 2012

Living Healthfully: Welcome to Puberty {again}

I couldn't button my size four pants.

And, in the midst of a hectic-Tuesday morning, I promptly had a mini-meltdown, tears of hot frustration running down my face, there in front of my bedroom mirror.

All of this, I'd cried, would be much easier to swallow if my body were pregnant, growing out of my jeans for the sake of growing new life and crying tears of emotional roller-coaster pregnancy hormones instead of just ones of crazy highs and lows.

But I knew better. I knew I wasn't expecting.

In my moment of meltdown, I text messaged Kerry, an integrative medicine doctor who has recently begun working with me on a genetic, biochemical level and nutritional level, and explained the situation.

To which she replied, "Welcome to puberty ... again."

I groaned.

Then I cried.

And then I laughed.

Because actually that's actually much closer to what I'm feeling these days -- like I'm a teenager in the throes of life changes rather than an expecting mother.

I guess I should back up a bit because I've been extremely quiet about my health and what's been happening the past few months.

I haven't shared lately about my health or about Kerry for a few reasons; I've been to so many doctors, all of whom have helped, yes, but none who seem to have ever completely gotten down to root of what's going on inside my body that has been causing such imbalances.

Have I been battling a gut yeast overgrowth? Yes.

Are my hormone levels really out of balance? Double yes.

Was my body detoxing? Yes to that, too.

But all summer long I've had this persistent and lingering feeling buried deep in my gut that there were other issues underlying -- mostly, I felt like something wasn't right at a deeper level. I mean, I've been having neurological problems that affect my balance and my speech and a smattering of other functions, too, and one can only detox for so long and attribute such abnormalities to the detoxing process before something has to give ... before the body has to brought back into a state of symbiosis.

I walked into Kerry's office at the end of August hope swelling in my heart; I knew her as the doctor people turn to when they've seen every specialist, the doctor who turns stage four cancer patients around.

But for as much hope as I felt, just as much confusion and skepticism ran rampant. I think I sweat through our entire 1.5 hour session.

When I left her office? I could barely fathom all of it really.

But, too, when I left her office, I felt like she could. She really seemed to understand what was happening inside my body {as best as a human mind can understand.}.

I mean, despite Kerry being really, really smart {she is a former trauma surgeon and a biochemist who focuses on genetic expression, nutrition and how the body functions at a cellular level and who has written a diagnostic program with MIT to help her read bodies at such levels, so you know, just your average everyday genius}, she has a gift for explaining complex, detailed things in a way that is sort of graspable.
Sort of.

The terms auto-immune disease, hormonal imbalance, neurological chaos and genetic mutations were all part of the conversation.

But also part of our conversation were her bold words of promise.

"Ninety days," she told us. "You should feel like a new person by then."

I left there hopeful but if I'm going to be honest one thought lingered long beyond the rest.
"Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you." Psalm 25: 20-21
Now here I am at 30 days with that same lingering hope in the Lord, but also hope that perhaps she was right -- that He had given her insights to help me really heal.

My energy returned, headaches mostly gone, digestion completely restored, food sensitivities mostly resolved, most of the neurological senses improved vastly, I really do feel different.

This second puberty stuff? It's a sign that my body is deep healing and rebalancing {though I wish I could do that while wearing size four jeans! Demin and bras are expensive!}

And I don't know -- maybe the vast emotions, the unbuttoned pants, the ever-evolving bra size really are signs that I am a women expecting; it's just that right now it's not the kind of expecting that ends with a new life wrapped in the bundle of a baby.

Rather, it's the kind that seems to be more of a rebirth of vibrancy, a rebirth of who I was and who I am and who I'm fast becoming both heart and body, mind and spirit.

He says He makes all things new

in His time

and maybe this time

His time

is finally my time

to be the molded shaped clay to which He's been busy giving new shape

in more ways than one.

Linking with Kelli today for the Healthy Mom Series she's hosting.

6 comments:

  1. YAY!! That's really exciting news! I'm so glad to hear you're on the mend! And maybe, until you get all your deeper issues sorted, you can just wear yoga pants. And go sans bra - I'm sure your hubby won't mind. ;) Here's to hoping for continued healing and health!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jade! And lol, that's exactly what John suggested. I mean, exactly! Thanks for your well wishes, my friend.

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  2. I agree with Jade. Yoga pants, no bra: perfection.

    I'm glad you found a doctor you like. 'Autoimmune' isn't a word I like to hear.

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  3. Autoimmune diseases are rampant in my family. Sometimes I feel it's only a matter of time before I discover mine. I have numerous physical and neurological complaints that remain intermittently present and medically unexplained so I understand your frustrations, even if only on a microscopic level. Your willingness to openly share what's on your heart is absolutely beautiful. Many prayers for your continued healing.

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  4. I am so glad you are feeling better. Your perseverance is inspiring. The way you have embraced this journey, taking it in with all your senses and even when you may have felt discouraged, you pressed on!

    I am excited to learn a bit more from you.

    xoxo
    Jen

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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