Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally -- all reeling.
The loss of two little babies from my womb to Heaven, the loss of my physical health, the loss of my mental health as anxiety flooded my thoughts -- it all left me feeling cracked and dried out, like I'd been left out in the cold all winter long.
Luckily spring and summer and fall were long months of warmth, healing and renewal.
And though we began 2013 in the midst of cold Chicago winter, it sort of felt like a rebirth to me.
The newness of the year was refreshing in a way that spring is after a long, cold winter.
The past year had been long, but in it God has brought healing to my body and my mind and my heart.
And not only has He brought healing, but he's also brought renewal.
I am not the same person I was a year ago this past December; I am not the same person I was a year ago today.
But I didn't totally notice that until we heard our pastor speak words from Luke 5:38.
"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the new wine would burst the wineskins, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine must be stored in new wineskins."I am a new wineskin this year. I am no longer dried out and cracked like I was; rather I have been made new.
As I sat in this truth, I realized, too, that I couldn't rightfully compare this new pregnancy to the others -- not any of the others -- because this freshly gifted baby is like new wine in a new wineskin ready to merely be stretched instead of cracked and broken.
And so my heart's cry is to trust in the Hand that's made me new, to embrace the swelling and stretching and to trust that He will not allow me to be broken.