Saturday, February 16, 2013

Pregnancy: 10 Weeks

I made a startling discovery this pregnancy: I apparently have pregnancy-memory amnesia.

I remember little to nothing about what it was really like to navigate the first trimester of pregnancy; I thought I had mild nausea and fatigue and that was the extent, but a little stroll through blog posts I reverted back to draft show that with E I was riding the emotional roller coaster of hormones, suffered a good long time with nausea and napped nearly every day with G, which explains why I don't remember passing out at 8:30 every night like I do now; I didn't have to!

Though I don't think we're going to venture through another pregnancy unless God has another idea for our family, I'm finding myself, now feeling a little better at 10 weeks, wanting to remember what it was like this time around.

This is more for me than it is for anyone else, but I'm going to journal my way through the next 30 weeks of carrying this little love every Saturday.

A little catch up:

The first eight weeks have been rough. Scary rough. Partly it's been physically rough because I managed to get the flu, a nasty cold and a stomach bug all within six weeks of each other, which left me reeling on top of the normal first trimester discomforts of nausea, exhaustion, food aversions, too much salvia in the mouth and interrupted sleep for need to pee or escape crazy pregnancy nightmares. I still have some of these discomforts; however, they are becoming more manageable by the week.

The scary-rough part has been more centered around the feeling like I was drowning in a sea of despair ... and I don't know exactly why. I know it's been a combination of things -- strongly surging hormones, lack of sunlight for Vitamin D production and also the worry and anxiety that rears its ugly head in pregnancy after having sent two other little tiny babies into heaven from my womb in late 2011.

I've been feeling better the past two weeks since we've been in Florida mentally {more on that Monday}, so I'm super grateful to be experiencing just the normal pregnancy emotions rather than the listless depression that was setting in.

On another note

I haven't written much about the actual pregnancy, I think, out of fear -- like maybe if I didn't write about it, the heart connection wouldn't be as strong if we were to have to say goodbye yet again to another baby. How's that for being irrational and fearful. But I know that's not what God wants from me; throughout this whole pregnancy, He's been telling me over and over that He is the giver of life, that nothing is impossible with God and that we can rest in Him and His goodness and sovereignty.

Some verses that have stood out to both John and I, following us around like persistent puppies, have been sustaining me and encouraging me to choose faith over fear:

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:9-11

We are trusting that what God gives us will be bread, sustaining and filling and exactly what we need.

I'll top this post off with a shot of the baby belly I'm already sporting. John says it's not as big as I think it is ... but honestly, I'm pretty much just thankful to be standing here feeling huge because there's a baby growing inside of me.

10 weeks and already feeling sorta like the belly has popped.

3 comments:

  1. Oh friend, what a beautiful baby belly, in so many ways. I know well that "listless depression" feeling, because I was there with my last pregnancy. Not for the same reasons as you, but there was a great deal of anxiety about the what ifs of labor and delivery, because I knew too well what could go wrong. And, having seen too many friends go through baby losses, there was so much fear gripping me. I had never before felt so much anxiety at every OB appointment, just waiting to hear a healthy, strong heart beat and see a healthy, growing baby on ultrasound. God taught me more about trusting Him and resting in His perfect plans through that pregnancy than ever before in my life. One of my friends told me more than once, "God already has this little one's story written" and that truth alone was the most comforting and calming to me. ((hugs)) friend. I am praying you through this journey, knowing that He has already written this little one's story.

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    Replies
    1. Stephanie, thank you so much. I so value your friendship and your prayers, my dear. Thanks for praying.

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