Saturday, March 2, 2013

Pregnancy: 12 weeks

'Member when you were little and your mama used to tell you that if you "don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all"?

That's kind of going through my mind today as I compose thoughts from this twelfth week of pregnancy and pretty much life in general.

The boys have both had the stomach flu from hell, and by the grace of God I've gotten only a moderate version of what knocked them out for five days each.

{Oh. Well, look at that. I have something nice to say after all. :-) Grace is such a good gift!}

So that said this week of pregnancy has been hard; it's been filled with exhaustion because of the need to be "on" almost every day with tending to my poor little ones, doing endless loads of laundry, sanitizing dishes and rooms and enforcing hand washing. Oh my. Exhausting.

What's made this week extra hard is that I've had to cancel my appointment with my midwife three times altogether because of this stomach bug business, and that means we have yet to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Now, I know that hearing a heartbeat doesn't guarantee baby wellness through out the pregnancy. But it's one of those milestones -- one of those endlessly beautiful gifts -- that just sort of salves over sores on a mother's heart.

I know that hearing a heartbeat doesn't make God any more or any less the Giver of Life who is in control.

Yet ... well, you know. I want to hear it.

Mostly because I want this to be real in a way beyond nausea and exhaustion and just over all icky first trimester feelings.

It's kind of like the first of the rest-area stops in the midst of a really long, sort-of tiresome drive.

There's a bit of respite. A bit of the laying of rocks of remembrance. There's a bit of marking some of the miles from the map, closer to the destination.

I'm trying, really, I am to enjoy this journey. But this first leg has been bumpy and just plain hard emotionally and physically and mentally.

I'm thankful for the ways God has shown Himself faithful and good and in control. I'm thankful for the ways, I'm growing in Him

And I'm ready for the next leg of the journey. Ready for the next leg of the journey, praying its a little easier and enjoyable.

No baby bump picture this week because ... stomach flu, three people, you know.

If we come to mind, please pray for us as we head to our fourth rescheduled appointment at the midwife Monday morning.

Thanks for journeying with us.

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Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.