Friday, March 8, 2013

The Words I Never Wanted to Write Again

Last night we found out our littlest seedling, planted in December, was harvested earlier than planned and differently than we expected.

Our littlest seedling will only bloom in Heaven, along with two other siblings we never met this of eternity.

And here on Earth, this morning, the sun is shining and I can't help but wonder how everything around me keeps going when the hope and life that was growing inside of my has so haltingly stopped. 

Here on Earth this morning, instead of growing the baby I would labor to deliver in September, I labor and birth grief. 

Grief and more tears than I thought I could cry. 

Grief at the loss of what this child would have been in our family, in the world. 

Grief at the prayers that weren't answered in the way we'd asked. 

Grief while watching our five year old cry to hold the baby {sister, he thinks} he wanted so badly. 

And waiting. 

More waiting. 

Waiting for my body to catch with the reality that I'm no longer growing a baby. 

Waiting to be healed ... again. 

Waiting to see the clearing as we walk another valley and cry out to the Shepherd to carry us. 

Because we just can't navigate this alone. 









8 comments:

  1. Oh, honey. I'm so, so sad for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  2. Oh Hy, I am crying tears with you this morning.

    I always feel I should know exactly what to say, because I have been there 3 times myself and yet there is little I can say...except I know. I know how hard it is that the world keeps going, that your boy is sad too, that your body hasn't caught up yet.

    And here is what else I know...I know that God sees your baby. He holding your baby in his/her heavenly home. He has made them new! He sees you and John and your boys and He is holding you too. Cling to Jesus, my friend, that is all I know to say...because that is all I knew to do myself. It does bring peace and healing in time. And when it is hard let the rest of us stand in the gap and hold your hand and cling for you.

    Sending you all my love and prayers.

    Love you!

    Isaiah 43:1

    But now thus says the Lord,
    he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
    “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.

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  3. I love you, Hy. So much. My prayers for you won't stop. I am weeping with you.

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  4. I am crying out for you Hy! I am praying for you all! Love you dear friend! <3

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  5. I believe God is crying with you as we all are -- heartbreak doesn't stop at His feet. He touches your pain and makes it His own. Shared. Carried. Held. Prayers for you, Hyacynth. So many prayers.

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  6. Don't have words. Just love and prayers.

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  7. I am so, so sorry to hear this and my heart breaks for the grief you all are feeling. Prayers, prayers, and more prayers my friend.

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  8. I'm so sorry...my heart breaks for you and your husband and son.

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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