Thursday, September 19, 2013

Everyday Life: When Empty Needs to Stay Empty

My day begins with blue eyes starting me in the face.

I'm startled from the rest of sleep into the fullness of day, and I'm pretty sure this is what being born must feel like.

One moment, safely nestled in the peaceful bliss of warm and safe and cozy and full and then not long after emerging into a world where there is cold and hunger and need and empty.

I am born every morning into a life full of need.

Mommy, I need you to hold me.
Honey, I need you to fill his book bag.
Mommy, I need you to sign this line.

There's the needs that don't cry out in voice but still sing out just as strong.

Load the dish washer.
Fill their bellies.
Fold the laundry.

And then there's the needs that are rapid-fire shot into my email inbox, dinging at each round emptied.

The website isn't working.
There's a mistake on page four.
We could really use your article a few days early.

I am born into the neediness of everyday.

And here I am needy myself.

After days, weeks, months and years, I'm finally coming to realize that it's impossible to fulfill all of the need when I myself need so much.

I'm hungry (in more ways than one).
I'm not working well.
I'm a hot mess.
I'm empty.

Empty. Every morning I am born into neediness and empty that needs to be filled.

In more than one way.

And in realizing that I can't fill all of the empty, I realize Who can. And how He fills me with what I need right now.

Right now.

In this season.

And right now, in this season, I'm reminded that there's empty that needs to remain just that  -- empty.

Right now the inside of my life is much like my garden -- there is harvest happening. And harvest requires tending. Some things that are empty right now -- the dresser drawers and the dish cabinet and the blog posts -- they have to wait when the fruit is ripe and needs to tending.

Right now -- in this season of mothering a preschooler and kindergartener -- there is a high need to be present, to tend to them as they mature and ripen.

Maybe the dishes go from table to dishwasher and bypass the empty cabinet.
Maybe the laundry goes from bodies to washer and dryer and back to bodies instead of inside dresser drawers.
Maybe the article only exists as an empty white screen void of black type.

Maybe in this season of harvest all of those things remain empty amidst the need while the hearts slowly learn what it means to be

full

fuller

fullest.

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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