Tuesday, May 5, 2015

God-sized Dreams: On Letting Go of My Timing

I would do it all over again.

If it meant we would be where we are now, sitting in the glow of the miracles of the past week, I wouldn't want it any other way.

The stressful and strained parts of hosting our first host daughter.

The heartbreak of losing our first host daughter I in a "failed" adoption.

The overwhelming feeling of choosing to adopt two girls from another country so shortly after our "failed" adoption.

The constant challenge of growth and dealing with our own past hurts and hang-ups as we have step-by-step walked this journey.

The waiting, the tears, the 16 weeks of wondering and waiting if a referral for our girls adoption would come, the mornings it was hard to even get out of bed, the nights I spent more time praying than sleeping.

I would do it all over again to be standing where we are now.

This morning, we received word that the ministry of the welfare would have the information for our adoption for us soon.

We received it just in time to make the decision not host again this summer.

In perfect fashion, though, too, we received this information, an answer to our long-standing prayers, as a pre-curser to other joyful news.

I have sobbed happy, thankful tears three separate times during the past eight hours.

As I've processed through everything, I've realized that if we wouldn't have waited this long that I wouldn't have had a breakthrough, beautiful conversation with our soon-to-be daughter this morning.

And we wouldn't have had that conversation were it not for her attending a camp this past weekend where God really spoke to her heart.

I realized this morning, too, that if this timing hadn't played out exactly I wouldn't have had the chance to spend time writing some advocacy blog posts for New Horizons for Children's Orphan Hosting Program ...

and that two families shared with me, one just this morning, that they decided to host because God used those words to speak to their hearts ...

and that one of those families, our neighbors and friends, is hosting our soon-to-be-daughter's friend this summer ... just down the street from our home.

I am awed and overwhelmed and GRATEFUL to have even played a small role in this, and I am overwhelmed with the beauty, the wonder and the fruit that has been born of the struggle, that has been born of the waiting.

And you, my friends. I am overwhelmed by God's goodness in bringing you alongside of us.

You have been part of this story.

You have encouraged us when I thought I couldn't do this one more day.

You have supported us when what stood before us to do alone would have been nearly impossible.

You have prayed for us when it was hard to pray ourselves.

You have lavished love on us when it was difficult for us to feel anything at all.

You have been part of more stories than just the one I have the honor of sharing.

I cannot thank you enough for being part of this story God is writing in our family and in the lives of others.

What a story that is unfolding, and how this unfolding in this way and time and space is teaching me that God's plans are so much more vast and unimaginable and better than my own!

There is, indeed, deep purpose in the pain and deep purpose in the wait, and beauty really can and really is often born from the broken.

All in His time.

Why does hosting make a different? Former host children share their stories. 
The Joy of Uncomfortable Love

If you'd like to continue to be a part of these stories, please pray for our family as we await our referral and travel dates. If you would like to support families in the midst of orphan care financially, you can do so at our site A Just Love or the Crothers' family's site Piecing Together Our Hosting Journey. 




4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, Nicole! We are beyond excited and grateful to be part of this unfolding story!

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  2. What a story. Thanks for sharing. Although my personal story and it's challenges are different, I can certainly relate to your confirmation that God's timing is indeed perfect. I struggle so deeply with uncertainty and circumstances that don't fit my plans. Love these reminders to let go and let God.

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  3. I'm so grateful for you guys, and your patience, and everything. When we talked on Sunday you seemed so frustrated at the whole process. I'm so glad to hear the news. We will keep praying for you with every step of this!

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There's nothing better than good conversation ... but not while talking to myself. Will you play a part in this discussion?

AND will you pretty please have your email linked to your account or leave it for me so I can respond?

Thanks for taking the time to make these thoughts into conversation.

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