Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Love and the Big Lie

Sometimes it's really tough to be living in the limbo that is the period of guardianship before an adoption is completed, and sometimes life carries on as though none of us remember that nothing is final yet. 

This past weekend, though a good one, was a reminder that some of us have that prevailing thought of "not out of the woods yet" still lurking in the back of our minds. See, we're still awaiting our second court date in the girls' country, the one that makes it all "legally final." The one that makes us legally family, though we've been heart-family for many many months now. 

Sometimes it surprises each of us when it comes out in different ways, mostly through our actions or off-handed comments that just kind of tumble out of our mouths. Like when during a casual conversation one of our kids says just thinking about the second court date causes anxiety to well. 

Or like when I look at my youngest daughter, her pigtails cutely bopping from side to side as she sings, and I catch myself not fully delighting in her because there is still that fear lurking in the back of my mind; it seems to keep my heart on a leash of sorts ... sometimes I forget I'm tethered to it, and I run full speed ahead only to be yanked back unexpectedly from loving fully by the chains of fear. 

There's a song that's been with me since the middle of our adoption journey, and in it, there's a challenge that has always wormed its way into my heart from the chorus; lately it's been doing some more digging:

Here's what I'd do differently|
I'd love like I'm not scared|
give when it's not fair|
live life for another|
take time for a brother|
fight for the weak ones|
speak up for freedom|
find faith in the battle|
stand tall and above it all|
fix my eyes on [God]. {For King and Country}

And I bet you know it in your core just like I know it in my own -- it's a tall order to love like we're not scared. I continually find myself struggling here in this place of in between with adoption (and in life in general) to love like I'm not afraid. Because when we love full and messy and brimming, honestly, it feels very risky. The more deposits I make, the more it seems there is to lose. 

But maybe that's a lie. Because maybe really it's the opposite. 

As I've been thinking about love, a verse continues to come back to my mind -- the one verse everyone, his brother and his uncle seems to read at weddings. Because of my deep familiarity with the verse I was tempted to not even go to my Bible and read it again, but wouldn't you know it, my computer opened a different translation than what I normally read, and I saw something anew:
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!"  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Normally, when I think of this verse, I think of the translation that says, "But love never fails."

Which essentially means the same thing as the translation"But love will last forever" except for right now, when I'm examining this verse in the context of loving despite fear, and it means to my heart much much much more. 

Love lasts forever. 

It doesn't give up. 

It never loses faith. 

It always is hopeful.

And it endures every circumstance.

Love lasts forever.

When I look at love from God's perspective, I realize I've had it backwards my whole life. We have nothing to fear in loving fully, wholly and unreservedly; love is a lot less like a bank withdrawl, and it's a lot more like a deposit or an investment.

And so says God, it's an investment that's secure in the securest of ways; it's an investment that lasts forever.

Seems like the more I invest in love, with love, the more I gain, the more we all gain.

And I wonder what my world would look like if I began investing like I was a millionaire with endless resources of love from an endless source of Love. Because if God is love, and God is in me, then I am essentially rich in the resources of love; there is no deficit of love. I have much to invest that will be securely anchored in eternity.

So what if we loved like we weren't scared? Like love wouldn't run out? Like there was nothing to lose?

Because there isn't. There's only gain. No matter the court decision in my life or the endless other various circumstances in any of ours.

Love lasts forever.

Invest lavishly.

1 comment:

  1. "We are the light of the world; may our light shine before all. That they may see the good that we do and give glory to God."

    When we love, God lights the world through us. The more fully we love, the more fully we share God with the world.

    And it is risky! But it's the type of risk that makes life worth living.




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